Re: Teddy (NC16) « Reply #60 on Nov 19, 2008, 6:37pm »
Dear Teddy,
I'm frankly quite sick and tired of him appearing in my dreams looking so damn royally pissed off at me.
I saw a glance of him in this short dream where I was walking past him, carrying my school bag. I felt someone tugging at my bag, pulling me back and I thought it was him but he just walked ahead, looking over his shoulder once and looking super pissed.
I realised someone else was holding my bag and after he let go, I continued moving on forward and at the end of the path, there was a slippery slope. Well, I actually managed to climb/slide down the slippery slope without falling... A very good friend was at the bottom, waiting for me.
They say people appear in your dreams because they want to see you.
Well I'm damn tired of seeing him looking so pissed off at me all the time in my dreams. It wasn't entirely my fault our friendship died out. Idiot. Though I was initially pleased to see him... Meh.
I'm glad though, to have a good friend waiting for me at the bottom.
Re: Teddy (NC16) « Reply #61 on Dec 1, 2008, 8:43pm »
Dear Teddy,
Who would have guessed it? My dreams were really true. He still is, very damn pissed with me for some reason.
I messaged him last night and I got an annoyed "What."
And that was the only reply he bothered to come up with, leaving my question about our friendship or so called friendship unanswered.
Well.
Fuck you.
Sorry for the expletives but I'm serious tired of this. If he doesn't want to say it what in the world went wrong, then fine. He can keep all the secrets he want. But to be this unforgiving after so many months... So damn cold and unforgiving. He'll grow to be a bitter old man with lots of wrinkles if he's going to hold so much grudges!
Next, I fear that my friendship with another idiot is down the drain after blasting at him yesterday. I blasted at him because... I was really frustrated! Why must a general question suddenly be twisted to a question about his life?! And when I pointed out that I wasn't talking about HIM AND HIS SELF LABELLED SUCKY LIFE, he went on about, well, him.
Then he accuses me of assuming that he was talking about his life. Hello? The one who first mentioned anything about HIS life was HIM! I'm totally impressed with his level of intelligence. When I told him that he misinterpret the question, he was so quick to say no and push the blame on me.
I'm tired of this.
I'm going to spend my entire week doing overseas community work and going to really pour myself into doing charity work.
Yesterday, after crying myself to sleep, I decided that I'm going to forget about all these problematic people for a while. I'll do some great community work. I'm going to be grateful for the people and things that I already have instead of hankering for people and things out of my reach. I'm grateful that unlike some boys, at least God is very forgiving not to cut my life short or discard me the moment I make a blunder.
Re: Teddy (NC16) « Reply #62 on Dec 2, 2008, 2:15am »
Don't worry, love, I have for you an explanation. Remember what I said about Indigo Children? This all started within 3 days of that. Same kind thing happened to me, but with you it seems to be dreams as with me it was serendipity or otherwise precognitive coincidences. It'll pass with some time, just give it a few more months. Who knows, maybe you'll even learn to control it with meditation.
But some that do, lay claim divine purpose blesses them. A part of your soul ties you to the next world, or maybe to the last, I'm still not sure, but what I do know, is to us the world is different, as we are to the world, but I guess you would know that.
Re: Teddy (NC16) « Reply #63 on Jan 2, 2009, 10:49pm »
Dear Teddy,
Been quite some time since I last talked to you. If by talking I mean a one sided post, then it' really been quite some time considering that it's the new year already.
The community project at Batam was great. Had quite a lot of fun doing the work. Kids were noisy and really active which was great. I was expecting them to be sullen and quiet but they were quite the opposite.
Next, it seems to me that being left behind is the theme of this holiday season.
First, it's pretty much clear that my friendship with Mr Enigmatic Asshole is out of the window ever since he sent me that poem (that insinuated that I was a prostitute) and told me that he wasn't avoiding me but just wanted to me not to be involved in his life anymore and vice versa (Wow, the irony. You sure aren't avoiding me.)... I know it's over for some reason or another. In other words, even if I tried really hard, it wouldn't matter because he has left me.
Second, had a farewell barbeque party by the beach. Lots of my classmates pulled out last minute, mainly the girls. My own clique of girls couldn't make it. I can't blame them. But it would have been nice if they could though.
Third, I found out that the truth is, my group of best friends since secondary/high school actually went out for our annual Christmas outing, exchanged presents and all that without me. For some reason, I wasn't included. I would like to think that maybe they just forgot. The same way they forgot to reply my messages asking about our annual outing. After all, as one of them told me before, one of them is still busy schooling, the other is busy overseas and she's busy with work.
Yep. They're sure busy.
Really busy.
Well, I still need to go out and finish up shopping for their belated gifts. Since they're so fucking busy, I'll personally dump the presents at their doorsteps.
Re: Teddy (NC16) « Reply #64 on Jan 27, 2009, 9:58pm »
Dear Teddy,
Happy year of the ox.
I did went out with my friends eventually, even though it was such a short trip to the movies and back. And the fact that one of them asked me about my dressing when I was wearing the damn shirt she gave to me for my birthday!
Not that she was that pretty. She isn't the best dresser amongst us anyway so I'm willing to let things slide.
*sticks out tongue at her*
Because the outing was so short, I actually snipped off my hair!
I wanted to start all over. It felt like so many things have happened so I wanted to just start all over, starting with my hair. It felt kind of liberating to have shorter locks now. ^^
So I told the person I liked that I liked him, told the person who loved me that I had no feelings for him...
But I'm still friends with both. I just wanted to come clean.
So I'm going to try to start things all over.
PS - I even picked up cross stitching although I suck at it.
Re: Teddy (NC16) « Reply #65 on Feb 24, 2009, 11:34pm »
Dear Teddy,
My results are coming out next week and I'm quite worried.
Okay, that's a lie.
EXTREMELY worried.
I know I was a lousy student...
So a lousy student will obviously get lousy marks...
I heard this year, the results were so bad that they had to be sent back for moderation and remarking.
I keep getting nightmares.
*sighs*
I wish I could stop time right now. So I don't have to deal with telling my already troubled parents about how sucky my results were and how I have to retake my papers again.
I guess I was asking for those lousy marks.
And I'm tired of a friend's dramatic antics. It's not my fault that he fell for me, not my fault he feels confused about me, not my damn fucking fault.
I don't need this shit from stupid hormonal male teens who can't make up their mind. As if the guy before wasn't dramatic enough.
On the bright note, I now have a baby bird named Donut. ^^
Re: Teddy (NC16) « Reply #66 on Mar 6, 2009, 12:02pm »
Dear Teddy,
My results are out. The wait is over.
The worrying still goes on.
Didn't do as great as everyone expected. But I kinda expected crappy results. But it turned out to be really crappy. I know I deserved the results. Compared to many others, I guess I didn't work hard enough. My nightmares about failing came true.
I treated myself to a nice long meal.
I treated myself to donuts.
And I allowed myself to cry. There's still a tiny bit of me that wants to cry some more.
I hate the fact that my aunt who has never really shown me any concern over the years suddenly called me up today to ask how my results were. I hate the fact her daughter, my cousin, did the same. But I never answered either of their questions. My cousin contacted my brother instead of me. My aunt got my dad who told her nicely that everything's okay.
ANNOYING!!!
I'm not that close to you!
You have never really shown me any concern when I left primary school, high school or entered college. I know that I've been doing well all these years and I'm the only one in my immediate family who gets into college.
But why are you asking for me now!? Why are you suddenly so interested? I'm already upset, do you have to be nosy or place your expectations on me!?
To be honest, what made me cry more was seeing the little notes my sister wrote for me, my dad's supportive sms and the fact my sister bought me a cake. T_T God, I feel like crying again. Our cockatiel also showed some form of concern when he started searching for me in my room when I came home. He stood at the doorway, looking at me. When I went out to sit with my family, he approached me and sat on my lap. My mum said animals were better at understanding emotions sometimes. He could be trying to cheer me up.
I never expected it but it was a very sweet surprise.
Now, I can only pray to get into a university. Slim chances though.
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